We Have a Crisis of Empathy, and Here’s How to Fix It
In 1979, President Jimmy Carter proclaimed that America was suffering from a “crisis of confidence.” Today, writer and filmmaker Colin Shuran believes that we are instead suffering from a “crisis of empathy.” With societal challenges on the rise, Shuran proposes a solution to this crisis by revolutionizing human connection as we know it.
TRANSCRIPT
I have an odd request. I want you to take a moment and smile at the person next to you. Just real quick. Okay, perfect. Now, what if I told you that that’s all it takes to save someone’s life? Let me give you an example.
Several years ago, a man decides he’s had enough of life, so he plans to kill himself by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. But, he offers himself a way out. In a note, he writes that if one person—just one—smiles at him on his way to the bridge, then he will not jump. So, he begins walking. No smiles. He keeps going, getting closer. Still—no smiles. He finally reaches the bridge, mounts the rail, jumps, and plunges to his death, simply because not one person smiled at him. It’s a heartbreaking story, but the truth is—it could have been prevented. And it happened because of a crisis we still face today.
In 1979, President Jimmy Carter gave a speech that addressed the nation’s problems. He criticized Americans for their growing self-indulgence and consumption of materials. Society, in his eyes, lacked purpose. He called this issue a “crisis of confidence,” proclaiming that Americans had lost faith in both the nation and themselves. He wasn’t the only one to acknowledge this problem. In fact, Martin Luther King Jr. said it best: “We have learned to fly the air like birds and to swim the sea like fish, but we have not learned the simple art of living together.”
As President Carter expressed, this “crisis of confidence” was a “moral and spiritual crisis.” But I think it’s no longer a crisis of confidence. I believe we are now suffering from a crisis of empathy.
Let me clarify what I mean by empathy. An old Native American aphorism says, “Take the time to walk a mile in [someone else’s] moccasins.” Today, we say walking in someone else’s shoes. But, I’ll be honest—it seems our only concern is if the shoe fits us. That’s not what empathy is. Empathy is the ability to understand and to connect with others. It’s how we show our care for humanity. And it’s the power to see the world from a different perspective, accepting that it might not look the same as our own.
Unfortunately, though, there’s a growing body of evidence proving society to be more apathetic than ever. For example, research at BYU has shown that the “mortality impact of loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” In the past two years, studies have shown that over 40% of American adults have experienced some form of psychological distress. And, in 2020, the CDC identified suicide as the 12th leading cause of death in America. Pride, greed, politics, hate, injustice . . . these are the problems President Carter warned about, and they all stem from a lack of empathy.
So what do we need to do?
Years ago, I crafted a documentary that taught me the power of empathy. The documentary focused on Karl, a homeless man who remarkably overcame adversity and challenged the status quo. Despite his success, Karl’s own world was tragic. Suffering from bipolar disorder, he was treated with electroshock therapy. Some of his closest friends, including his psychiatrist, were victims of suicide—something Karl also attempted. Yet, he still managed to get off the streets for a period of time.
Like the man at the Golden Gate Bridge, Karl was once a consequence of the national problems recognized by Carter and King. By contrast, Karl was empowered and the Golden Gate Bridge jumper was not. So, what made the difference? I’ve spent a great deal of time considering this challenge, and I got to thinking, How do we solve this? Is there even a resolution to this moral dilemma?
Let me make a suggestion.
For Karl, it wasn’t food or clothes or shelter that rescued him from being homeless. Instead, people rescued Karl from the streets—friends cared for Karl, others listened to him. People heard and felt his pain and suffering. Acts of empathy were what energized Karl to change his circumstances, to feel valued again. For that reason, I’ve concluded that the best way to solve this crisis starts with us, with the art of active listening.
Listening is an act of empathy, connecting us as humans. The solution to Karl’s personal crisis was simply being heard. Even more so, the path that led him off the streets became his most defining quality—listening. Could you imagine if someone had listened to—or even smiled at—the man at the Golden Gate Bridge?
Listening is not just about being quiet. As a matter of fact, it’s about being active—to be present, engaged, and compassionate. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Phew, this sounds like a lot of work! And it is! Listening is powerful, and it’s our duty as humans to actively engage with others. But don’t panic: Listening is an intrinsic skill, one that we all are capable of. And I will share with you how to tap into that ability within each of us.
The psychologist Erich Fromm said there are six rules for active listening. For the sake of simplicity, I have condensed them to three.
Number one: Attention. We as listeners should be free from any other thoughts. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said “inattentive listening . . . is only waiting for a chance to speak” and to “get rid of the other person.” He called this type of listening “half-eared,” so to be a great listener, we should be, in his logic, full-eared!
Number two: Affirmation. We should show by our words and actions that the other person is worthwhile. We should demonstrate that we understand and care for them. A nod of the head or restating the other person’s words is a great start.
Number three: Emotion. We should have the capacity to love a fellow human—not in a sensual way but in an interconnected way. It’s called agape in the Bible—this boundless, universal love. It’s what Martin Luther King, Jr., perceived as “the recognition of the fact that all life is interrelated.” And it’s the type of love Mister Rogers modeled in his television show—to be neighborly with one another. Great listeners, like you and me, use this type of love to connect with humanity.
Is this process easy? Heck no! In fact, listening takes extreme courage! [Click: Courage] Listening requires us to open our hearts and minds to be willing to walk in another’s shoes. Do you realize how vulnerable this can make us? Don’t be mistaken: Vulnerability does not mean weakness. In fact, it’s much the opposite; vulnerability makes us stronger. It’s what strengthens relationships.
I find it fascinating that in Latin, the root of “courage” is “-cor,” which means “of the heart.” So, if courage is of the heart, and if listening takes courage, then the act of listening is an act of love.
Maybe that’s why our society seems so broken, so disconnected from each other. Perhaps it’s because we all just want to be loved, but we really don’t know how.
Listening empowers us to love humankind. It’s how we learn to care and appreciate our earthly counterparts. And it’s the notion that we are heard and understood and accepted. My friends, that is empathy. And by actively listening to others, we can finally solve this crisis.
Let me wrap up.
I was recently in Austin, Texas, and while I was looking for the State Capitol Building, I happened to wander off course, getting completely lost. I was frustrated, to say the least. But then a stranger noticed me, and he asked if he could help. He introduced himself—JB was his name—and he had just come across the street, where there was a large homeless community. So, then we walked to the Capitol Building, and, on our way, we talked about our lives. He had been homeless in Austin for three years, and his knowledge and wisdom of life intrigued me. By then, I was fully immersed in our conversation, and 30 minutes quickly passed by. Eventually, JB had tears in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that this was the first time someone had listened to him, and that he normally gets kicked around like a pebble, which is small and insignificant. At that point, we reached the Capitol Building, and I had to go. I bought his lunch, and we took a picture. He smiled, shook my hand, and scurried off, reignited with happiness.
Now, I don’t know if I’ll ever see JB again. But I do know that by listening to him, I might’ve brightened his day. And you know what? He also brightened mine. By listening to others, by truly hearing and connecting with them, we can restore humanity and come together as brothers and sisters of the world. Thank you.