Written by Colin Shuran on 2/21/2025
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At my church, it’s possible to get an entire workout in while worshiping. We call it “Church Aerobics,” and it’s the greatest exercise trend since Pilates hit the scene (formerly known as Pontius Pilates). Church aerobics are great for any age. Follow these instructions from the Pastor, and the routine is simple:
Please rise.
You may be seated.
Please rise.
You may be seated.
Please rise. . . .
Song after song. Prayer after prayer. Sometimes, when worship just feels too good, a little Please kneel is thrown into the mix. At some points, it’s breathtaking, and you will start to perspire. (That’s the Holy Spirit sweating out of you.) Ever heard of a workout where you can fuel up on carbs and drink alcohol? Church aerobics offers a quick snack of bread and wine (aka communion, or the Eucharist, as known by more devoted exercisers). But fear not: After a song or two, those calories will be burned back off after the Pastor again says,
Please rise.
You may be seated.
Church aerobics are not only good for the body, but they’re also good for the soul. You will not only be physically fit, but spiritually fit too. Friends will start to wonder how you got to looking so good, and you’ll say, It’s my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Boom: You just found yourself a new church partner. It’s good for the whole family, and, most importantly, it makes God happy.
Ask your Lord if church aerobics are right for you. Side effects may include a better temperament, well-oiled knees, a sunnier disposition, and a closer relationship with God.